My Grand Experiment

I've always been pretty good about how much time Max spends in front of the television. I usually let him have a two-hours per day maximum - this allows for an episode of Sesame Street and then one of his Thomas the Tank Engine DVDs (or whatever his current favorite movie is). But then Kevin got the H1N1 flu about three weeks ago and my TV guidelines went down the toilet.

We quarantined Kevin (I'm such a loving wife, leaving him in his time of need...) and went to my parents' house so we wouldn't catch it. As a result, Max got away with more time watching movies than usual. To top it off, it just so happened to be his birthday weekend when this all went down, so he had a bunch of new Thomas DVDs.

After a few days at my parents' house (and after getting a flu shot), we headed back home. A little less than a week later, Max caught something. It might have been the flu, but since he'd gotten the shot almost a week before, he got a very very mild case. But since he didn't want to do much of anything for a few days, he, again, spent more time in front of the television. By the time he was on the mend, I'd gotten used to having the TV as my babysitter. I spent more time on my novel (which, for anyone interested, I'm almost to 200 pages!) and on the Internet, blogging and stuff. I didn't totally neglect him, but I definitely wasn't having the one-on-one time with him. Our playing/eating/cleaning routines were totally off.

Around Halloween, Max was throwing more tantrums again. He'd been doing so well, but they'd started creeping back. Then on Halloween night, he threw a host of fits on various neighbors' doorsteps (he was so confused to why no one would let him in their houses to play). The next day, when I went to pick him up from Nursery, he threw another tantrum because he didn't want to leave. Not only was it embarrassing, but it was just so frustrating. I was at my wits' end! I began to question my mothering skills yet again.

And then, in a moment of inspiration (and I mean that - it was one of those moments of spiritual insight), a thought suddenly came to me: less television. The boy needed a break from the tube. I decided then and there that we weren't going to have the TV on at all during the day for an entire week. My feelings were affirmed by the book, It's a Boy! by Michael Thompson. It's an awesome book about the development of boys - I highly suggest it to anyone involved with raising boys. Anyway, I read in the section about 3 & 4-year-olds that lots of boys throw furious tantrums at this age (phew!) and he also mentioned that TV time can be a problem since it's such a passive activity.

Convinced that going TV-free was at least worth a try, I told Kevin about my idea and he was fully supportive. So, I packed the Thomas DVDs out of sight and braced myself for the chaos and Cat 5 tantrums headed my way. I was also worried how I would get anything done without even my usual two hours of TV babysitting. It was my grand TV-free experiment.

We started on Sunday, November 1. When we got home from church, he asked to watch Hero of the Rails. We told him no and, instead, spent the time reading book after book. We took a family nap. We played with his trains (and he played by himself). We headed to my parents' house for dinner and had a nice time there. There was no mention of movies or TV. The next day went the same way except that he didn't even ask to watch anything. Day 3 was the same, and so on. Here are some of the highlights of my experiment...

The weather was gorgeous last week - highs in the mid to upper sixties. And the leaves are starting to fall in our yard. He loved burying himself in the leaves.

Max rediscovered his tricycle and we did a few trips around our cul-de-sac.

I definitely fell behind on the housework. I'm trying to catch up today. By the way, aren't I brave to post a picture? Thank you, thank you...


We spent a lot of time in a "tent". I know the pictures are blurry, but I'd challenge you to get a clear picture with a blanket over your head while also using your leg as a tent pole (see far right of picture). This was one of my favorite parts of TV-free week. He'd just come up to me and say, "Mommy, come snuggle in a tent." Love it.



There was more baking without the television. Baking is one of our favorite things to do together. Here, we made banana bread bites (check out my frugal blog for the details and recipe). Max especially enjoyed coating everything (including himself) with powdered sugar.

Without the television, we spent more time being artsy. First with the sidwalk chalk (he had me draw and label all the Thomas & Friends trains - I purposefully left out my horrible drawings)...

..and then to the watercolors.


Of course, we spent a good majority of our time reading books. He particularly loved If You Give a Mouse a Cookie and No David!. We even rediscovered a book I'd bought at a yard sale a couple years ago, Richard Scarry's Best Storybook Ever.

He immediately found the pages about trains in it.

Which leads to the many, many hours of train time we spent together.

The results of my experiment: no tantrums, no time-outs, and a much happier boy. He didn't even seem to miss his DVDs or episodes of Sesame Street and Dinosaur Train. That doesn't mean I'm going to eliminate television completely from our routine. Everything in moderation. Yesterday, we decided to let him watch one of his Thomas DVDs after church. He loved it and when it was over, he ejected it from the PlayStation 3, put it back in its case, turned off the PS3 and TV, and headed upstairs to play with his trains, building the tracks and narrating his little trains' adventures.

The best result of my experiment? I reconnected with my little boy. He's growing so fast and I know that I only have a few more years to have him home all the time, completely to myself. What a waste it would be to spend too much of that short time sitting in front of the television. How much I would miss! And that was the biggest surprise of the experiment: I needed TV-free week as much as he did.

Making My Own House Call

If I lived east of the Mississippi River, I would have driven to Washington D.C.. Well, unless I lived really far south, in like Georgia or Florida or something. But, I would have gone in any other case. Today, thousands convened on the Capitol for a "house call" in a rally against the health care bill that could be voted on as early as Saturday.I would go into more depth on all the reasons this bill is flawed, but I have neither the space nor the energy to do it tonight. But, here's a few reasons you should be wary of this bill and why you should contact your representatives before Saturday. (Note: if all this political mumbo-jumbo doesn't interest you, please just at least read #4 on my list.)

1. This piece of legislation costs $1.05 trillion dollars. Trillion. I think we've lost perspective of how H U G E that number is. The worst part: we don't have the money to do this. Our country is already in ridiculous amounts of debt (remember the TARP money last fall? Or the stimulus this spring? Glad that saved the economy as planned. Oh, wait....). Watch this clip for some perspective on just how much money a trillion is. By doing this health care reform, the House will affect 1/6 of our country's economy. Do we really trust them with this responsibility after the debacle seen over the past year, particularly with the bailouts?

2. Bureaucracy. This bill is 2000 pages long. It is fraught with red-tape. You think insurance is complicated? Just let the government add a bazillion more steps. Reminds me of a part of a movie from my childhood called The Twelve Tasks of Asterix, where they have to visit the place that sends you mad. To get just a glimpse into the bureaucracy, check out this chart. It isn't the House bill (it's the Senate Democrats' bill), but you get the general idea. Click on the picture. Try to follow the chart. Where do you fit in?

3. The House bill contains the government program, also known as the public option. Don't be fooled. They say you can keep your insurance if you like it. I can't imagine that some companies that cover their employees' insurance now won't be tempted to drop their coverage, tell their employees to get on the public plan, and save themselves some money. Having a public option doesn't create choice and competition. Having the public option as part of "health care reform" is a means to an end and I believe that end is having a single-payer, nationalized health care system. Just a hunch.

4. One of my main reasons is that the House bill, under the supervision of Speaker Nancy Pelosi, requires a monthly abortion premium. Let that sink in. Under this plan, a monthly abortion premium will be charged to everyone on the government plan. It says this right in the bill (here's the link to the actual bill - go to page 110, line 17; then, go to page 96, line 16). The premium from the enrollees will be put into a U.S. Treasury account and the funds will be used to pay for abortion services. The thought of my money going to pay for something as abhorrent as abortion is unthinkable. For more information on this aspect of the bill, check out this link. It spells it out clearly and directly.

There is need for reform in health care. I agree that denying coverage due to pre-existing conditions is wrong. But instead of creating a new government system, why don't we let the free-market work? Increase competition by letting health insurance companies transcend state lines. This would mean that companies could pitch their insurance the way companies like Allstate, Geico, Progressive, etc. do in commercials and with incentives to get people to enroll. Costs would go down. Another option would be to let any group of people - a neighborhood, a church group, an extended family - buy a group policy together and receive the rate that employers get now. Or, give tax credits to those who have to buy their own insurance. And there's definite need for reform when it comes to malpractice and trial lawyers. Our society has become far too litigious and it's driving costs through the roof.

There's so much at stake. Do we really want the arm of the government in yet another aspect of our lives? Health care, in particular, is so personal. I know it's intimidating to get involved, especially when those in control act as if you don't know what's good for you as well as they do. But, if you feel strongly about any of the things I mentioned call or email your representative (this link will lead you to the contact info) before Saturday. I've already called mine about the abortion aspect. I'm bugging him some more tomorrow. Let your voice be heard. They work for you.

One of My Regrets

See that playlist in the sidebar? Scroll down and click on track 14 on my Halloween playlist. Don't worry, I'll wait...

The song is "Toccata in D Minor" by Bach. I used to play this song - from memory. Well, except for the last page of it (that part starts around 2:15). But still, you're impressed, right?

On Halloween night, my dad would have me play it over and over on our digital piano, on the organ setting. Then, he would answer the door in his troll mask, with his homemade strobe light flashing in the background, and give the trick-or-treaters a little scare and lots of candy. All in good, spooky fun. That's the main reason I included it on my Halloween playlist.

But I have to tell you, all month, when that song comes on my playlist or if I hear it on some Halloween commercial, I get bummed. "Toccata in D Minor" was one of my two show-off songs (the other was Beethoven's "Für Elise"). By show-off songs, I mean songs that I had memorized and would play whenever anyone would say, "Oh, you play the piano? Play something." Not only did it sound great, but I would play with a little flair, one hand crossing over the other as they moved around the keyboard. It was a small repertoire, but I was proud of it. I played both of those songs for recitals (hence the memorization). I got to the point where I could play them in my sleep. I had a love-hate relationship with them. Now I just miss them.

I've lost my sheet music to "Toccata in D Minor" when I loaned it to one of the piano students I had in high school (yes, I even taught piano lessons) - I wish I had it, complete with all the finger numbering and notes from my awesome teacher. If I pull out my old piano lesson book (as in, from the piano lessons I took), I can still play "Für Elise", but definitely not from memory and not without some stumbling over the keys. Getting rusty on the piano is one of my biggest regrets. I know, I know - it seems a little nerdy to have not practicing the piano be one of my biggest regrets (what can I say, I wasn't much of a troublemaker), but it truly is.

I worked and worked at learning the piano - I'm definitely not one of those natural-born musicians. It took work for me - and the patience of my parents and brothers who had to listen to me hammer the same songs on our piano everyday. But, in the end, I could play (something I'd always wanted to be able to do) and I was pretty good at it. Not amazing, mind you, (I have resigned myself to the fact that I'll only be able to play Chopin when I'm resurrected and perfect), but I could play quite well.

Then I went to college and left my piano behind. When a pianist was needed for Institute classes or church, I would shrink back and let someone else do it. I didn't practice anymore. And slowly, my skills diminished. I haven't forgotten how to play or how to read music, but it would take me some time to get back to my peak. And that sucks. Why did I stop? Even if I wasn't naturally gifted at music, it was still a gift that I cultivated - and I kind of feel like I blew it.

When I got married, my parents gave me the digital piano (it's not like a little Casio keyboard, but a full-size, Yamaha piano that felt close to the real thing) that I learned my first songs on. It sits in my family room, often just collecting dust on the keys. Max loves to play it like Elmo does at the end of "Elmo's World". Occasionally, I'll play him his favorite Primary songs (particularly "My Heavenly Father Loves Me" and "Popcorn Popping"), but that's the general extent of it. I want to play the piano like I used to, but it's just kind of depressing to try and realize how many steps I've taken backward. But I'm going to get over it and start practicing again. This is my official declaration. I'm going to get back into my piano-playing shape.

There's just one caveat: you can't tell anyone in my ward I'm doing this. Next thing you know, they'll be asking me to be the Primary pianist and we'll have none of that...yet.

Note: Thanks to my friend, Heather Dixon, for letting me use her awesome painting. I love this picture for so many reasons. One, it's just hilarious. Two, the teacher is holding a book with 'Bach' on the cover - apropos!- and a metronome with a scythe. And third, that was my piano teacher - she was my first formal teacher (before my awesome high school one). She would get mad at me for not practicing enough and tell me that her five-year-old was better than I was (I was 13 at the time). Ahhhh....memories...

Thankful Thursday

It's been a while since I've done a Thankful Thursday post. I used to do them all the time. I enjoyed it because it made me reflect on the many, many blessings I have - ones I sometimes take for granted. Sometimes I had to get creative. Now, I can't guarantee I'll do it every week like I used to, but I thought I'd bring it back. So, today, the subtitle for my Thankful Thursday post is "A random list of things for which I'm grateful - half of which are red."

1. Hooray for pomegranate season! They're back in the stores! From October to January, I buy at least a couple pomegranates each time I visit Sunflower Market. We love them here at our house. My son eats them like candy (seriously, last week, he ate practically entire pomegranate worth of seeds in an afternoon.) I'm especially grateful when they're huge like these ones (they're grapefruit-sized) because they'll we won't have to wait too long to have more before grocery shopping day next week. And if they couldn't get any better, they're also super-healthy. Woo-hoo!

2. Today, my awesome friend and neighbor, Carrie, surprised me with a present. A few weeks ago, I wrote on here about my longing for a set of Le Creuset pots. I'll get them someday - I'm saving! And then, today, she surprised me with a Le Creuset teapot. She said she got an awesome deal online - for as expensive as this brand is, I hope so. Once I took it inside, I boiled some water right away for a cup of honey chamomile tea (I love herbal tea). I'm thankful for my super-cute teapot, but most of all, I'm thankful to have such a nice friend who would go out of her way and think of me. I was really touched and it made my day.

3. Of course, first and foremost, I'm thankful for my little boy. That really goes without saying. But the reason I posted this picture in particular is because I'm thankful for our home teachers, particularly one of them. He found out that my son loves trains, particularly his Thomas the Tank Engine DVD. He mentioned that his son did too and then, later, his wife showed up at our door with a stack of Thomas DVDs. She told me that her son had outgrown them and she wanted us to have them.

Then, later that day, our home teacher stopped by with another box, this time with a bunch of the Thomas trains and even some parts of the track (along with a building and conductor station). I was floored - for those that don't know, the Thomas brand trains are fairly expensive. I felt pretty guilty taking them and offered him money for all the movies and toys, which he, of course, refused. He told me that he was just happy that they would be loved instead of collecting dust in the basement. And let me tell you, those trains are L O V E D. I took this picture of him today playing - he was so just so happy and content. I'm so thankful for unselfish people. Not only do they make others happy, but they're a good example to me.

4. I mostly just needed an excuse to post this picture of Kevin's amazing pumpkin. What can I say? The man's crazy-talented. And I love his guts. Words can't express how thankful I am for my awesome husband.

5. I'm so thankful that it's Halloween week!! I love everything about October and I especially love thinking about and putting together the costumes (the picture was taken at our annual Halloween party this past Saturday). I can't take much credit - my husband sewed my kimono and my son's costume. This year, Kevin chose our theme and used the movie Big Trouble in Little China as his inspiration: he's Jack Burton (Kurt Russell's character) and I'm his geisha girlfriend (Kim Catrall's character). As for our little guy, Max didn't follow our theme this year. Max was Max from Where the Wild Things Are. I'm thankful for possibly the last year I get to pick his costume for him - I had to have at least one Halloween where he dressed up as his namesake. And I can't wait to take him trick-or-treating this year. In all, I'm thankful for this time of year, where we can just have fun, revel in thing silly and scary, and remember the simple joys of childhood.

Three Years

I'm warning you - I may just ramble my way through this post.

Three years ago today, I was in labor. It was a rainy day. My dad had called the night before, leaving a message excitedly saying, "The barometer is falling!" This was because I was nearly a week overdue. I was miserable. I'd tried everything (within reason) to go into labor. I'd finally given up. Then Mother Nature helped. My hypnobirthing instructor had told us that it's not uncommon to see an increase in births whenever a storm comes in. Thank you barometric pressure for getting things rolling. From the moment I woke up on October 16, I felt my baby making his way into the world.

As I sat in Starbucks in my most comfortable clothes, drinking hot chocolate and eating a scone, I wondered what was ahead. Kevin and I sat there and chatted, with the occasional contraction interrupting. I welcomed every single one. We sat and watched the clock, timing the space between them, as rain dripped down the tall windows. We went shopping a little. All I could think as I looked around was, "I'm in labor. Today's a normal day for all these people. But I'm in labor." It was my secret smile.

The day progressed. We hung around the house. At about five minutes apart, we watched our Seinfeld DVDs. Kevin called the hospital to tell them we would becoming that night. Since we were going all-natural, they told us to say home as long as I could. I'd planned on doing that anyway. We watched Seinfeld until I couldn't pay attention any more. At three minutes apart, after we'd called our parents, we headed to the hospital in the dark. I was still calm and ready, with my hypnobirthing CD playing and my headphones on. I was in my own world.

I spent five more hours laboring in the hospital. Since I didn't get an epidural or anything, the nurses left Kevin and me alone for the most part, just to check-in every half-hour or so. It was the most sacred experience of my life. And then, on October 17 at 3:20 in the morning (one week past my due date), my Max was here. He was wide-eyed and beautiful as he stared at me. I knew that boy the second I saw him.

And now here I am three years later. Today has been a struggle for me. Will I ever come to terms with the passing of time? And why does time seem to go by faster as you get older? Whenever I think that my baby is going to be three tomorrow, I feel an overwhelming ambivalence. Every day is a new adventure with that boy and I cannot explain the sheer joy it is to watching him learn and grow. I want him to progress. Yet, at the same time, I don't feel ready for him to already be three. It just is going by too, too fast.

My life has been inexorably changed in these last three years. Everything I thought I knew about myself has been either refuted or at least questioned. I've never served anyone as much as I serve my son. I feel like I mean more now, which is both affirming and frightening. I still wonder if I'm used to the idea of being needed, of being the person my son turns to when things get scary, tough, painful, or frustrating. I look at my mom, so confident and capable, and wonder if I'll ever become that person in my own family. The rock. I'm just not sure.

I don't know all the answers, but I do know that I have found my calling in life. For a good portion of my pre-Max life, I shied away from motherhood. It would come, I was sure, but I wasn't racing toward it. But now that I don the title of "Mommy", I embrace it wholeheartedly. It's as if everything in my past was preparing me for this season of my life.

So maybe today is my day to be emotional, to remember the infant I nursed and the baby that surprised me everyday with little milestones. Smiling, rolling, laughing, scooting, crawling, walking. I'll get it all out today. And then tomorrow, I'm going to celebrate the joy that is a three-year-old boy and remember, as Dr. Seuss once said, "Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened."

--Thanks again to our talented friend, Lauriann, for the beautiful picture of me and my little guy.--

"About a nine on the tension scale, Rube..."

Name that movie. My friend, Alison, and I would say that line to each other in high school when we were grouchy or if someone else was. Plus, it's apropos for the Halloween season, right?

Anyway, as many of you other moms have experienced (please say you have...), toddlers are famous for their crazy tantrums. Except for me - my mom says she can't remember me ever throwing a tantrum; she says I've always been mature for my age and that I have an old soul. However, I'm sorry to report, my son is not following in his mother's shoes.


To top it off, it seems like my son's tantrums are at their worst right now. He used to be totally fine going to the store. Not so much any more. If he sees something he wants and doesn't get it, all hell breaks loose. Especially if that thing he wants has something to do with a train. In these instances, my warning is: stand back.

For the last year or so, I've been rating Max's tantrums similar to how the weather service rates hurricanes; it's called the Saffir-Simpson Hurricane Scale (you know, how they call a storm a Category 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5). Here's how it goes with my ratings; we'll call it the Kevin-Heather Tantrum Scale.

Category 1: After I tell him it's time for bed or that it's time to go inside, he'll pout, maybe give a fake cry, and drag his feet as he obeys. He's grudging, but compliant. It passes fairly quickly. Still, it's a little more resistance than usual.

Category 2: This one usually happens when I say, "Okay, no more Thomas the Tank Engine." He'll bounce on the couch somewhat, flail a little, and crumple into a heap. Again, there may be a short, protesting shout or crying spell (again, mostly a fake, whiny cry), but after five minutes or so of me ignoring the tantrum, he'll stop and find something else to do.

Category 3: At this stage, we're entering semi-dangerous territory. He tends to throw Category 3 tantrums when I don't let him do certain things independently, like, for example, scooping and stirring Ovaltine into his milk. Sometimes, I let him, but most of the time I just don't want to deal with the huge mess. Or when I put on his shoes or zip up his jacket for him because we're in a hurry. This category is also common when I refuse to do something, like bake cookies (that boy loves to bake - mostly because he gets to eat cookie dough) or when I tell him that he has filled his TV quota for the day (2 hrs.) and that it's staying off for the rest of the day. Here we'll see the real cry, some screaming, and he'll even throw a few kicks or try to hit. This leads quite well to the next category...

Category 4: This is often experienced in time-out. Usually the action of putting him over in time out while he's in the Category 3 tantrum will push him over the edge and into the Cat 4. This category includes prolonged crying, more screaming, writhing on the floor, throwing random objects if available, and a few daring attempts to escape time-out. It's getting pretty ugly at this point. This is when he'll cry and scream for at least ten minutes. I can pretty easily ignore these tantrums unless it's the fifth one of the day. Oh, he has his days...

Category 5: This is the mother of all tantrums. These are -- lucky me -- usually the ones that happen in public. Like at the park when it's time to leave - it's so bad I have to assure the other mothers there that I am not, in fact, abducting him. Lately, just the past week or so, it's been particularly prevalent at the store. At Costco, they have this really cool train set, but it has a plastic, locked cover over it. Max saw this and got incensed that he wasn't able to play with it. Or the other day at Walmart, he found a Thomas the Tank Engine DVD, grabbed it, and when it was time to leave it behind, he threw a fit. The worst was a couple weeks ago when I had to put him in the stroller against his will because he kept running way ahead. Even my saint of a mom got mad at him that day.

These tantrums are the full-out, red-faced screaming fits, complete with crying, gushing snot out the nose, kicking, throwing things out the cart (this has only happened once, but I swear, my blood pressure is rising just thinking about it), hitting, and foaming at the mouth (okay, not really on the last one). It's those moments when I just look at the check-out clerk at the grocery store and I'm tempted to ask her to look up the number of the closest exorcist. Of course, she either looks at me sympathetically and says something nice or she moves me through faster just to get my enraged child out. There's no calming a Category Five tantrum down - I've tried. That why I'll just apologize profusely to anyone around, say something like, "Gotta love those terrible twos", and book it out the store as fast as I can. He's still thrashing as I strap him in his carseat. Then, I just sit in the front seat and take a few deep, long breaths and wonder why my child is a monster and everybody else's children are angels. I'm being completely honest when I say Category Five tantrums do a number to my self-esteem and make me question my mothering skills.

However, there's always the calm after the storm. Even after the Category Fives. There's that moment where Max and I don't want to kill one another anymore and he'll let me hug him. He'll cuddle up in my arms and play with my hair, as I tell him, "It's a good thing you're so cute..."

Tee-Hee!

A few of the things that have made me giddy this week:

I only subscribe to Martha Stewart Living for three reasons: I usually get it for really cheap when I renew my mom's subscription every Christmas, for the gardening issue in the spring, and for the October issue. The rest of year it just makes me feel like a slob. But I love the October issue because it's full of awesome Halloween decorating, party, and food ideas. I got this earlier this week and my heart fluttered a little as I realized that my favorite month of the year is fast approaching (click here for my list of reasons why)...

Yesterday, I headed up to my parents' house up in the mountains. As I get older, I miss living in that valley more and more.

Late that afternoon, we all headed up to a little place called Huber Grove to take some pictures of Max and his cousins. The light was perfect. The surrounding mountains and hills of Snake Creek were covered in splashes of red, orange, and yellow. And, to top it off, I was with some of my favorite people. Definitely enough to stir up some giddy (and grateful) emotions.

Today, I dug out the Halloween decoration boxes. This is where the "tee-hee" giggle came out. I love Halloween decorations. As if getting them out and decorating the house isn't fun enough, I also get to be surprised. Every November 1st (I don't know what I'm going to do this year since November 1st is a Sunday) I strike out to find some discounted Halloween treasures. I totally forgot what I bought last year. I can't wait to unpack and find out!

Not only am I totally thrilled at the thought that I'm going to have homegrown pumpkins on my porch this October, but I also have these tiny little 'Jack be nimble' pumpkin gourds. They still need a few weeks, but they're just so cute! How could this not make you a little giddy?

Ahhhh....Welcome fall. I've missed you.